Love is patient
Many parents ask, “Are you a cry-it-out proponent or family bed advocate? Do I have to stop breastfeeding to sleep coach my child? Do I have to choose between two camps: co-sleeping/no crying or crib/cry-it-out?”
You do not have to pick a camp; this isn’t about right or wrong. It’s about what is working for you and your family.
It is true that the cry-it-out (CIO) method and the starker extinction methods can work well and a bit faster than gentler methods IF you as the parent can follow through consistently and long enough.
The Gentle Sleep Coach philosophy was developed by Kim West LCSW-C, The Sleep Lady ® because she found so many parents had difficulty following through with a sleep coaching program that they feared will damage their child emotionally or filled them with so much guilt they couldn’t follow through.
The GSC approach is a gentler alternative for families who emotionally or philosophically resist letting their babies cry it out: for families who tried “Ferber” (controlled crying) and it didn’t work, and for families who let their baby cry-it-out earlier but now find it doesn’t help. It is also for families who believe in co-sleeping but find that their children aren’t really sleeping all that well, even nestled snugly with their parents. Or for families who co-slept for a few months to a few years and now want the family bed to revert back to the marital one.
"Can you guarantee no crying?” you might ask. No, no one really can. For example, if you as the parent have taught your child that the way to fall asleep is to be held to sleep for all naps, bedtime and wakings and you decide that you want to change this, your child will naturally protest or resist this change. After all, they don’t know why you have changed your approach. If your child is pre-verbal then they will cry. My goal is to have as little crying as possible. I encourage parents to be loving and responsive but to allow the child the room to learn this vital life skill of putting themselves to sleep. The parent responds and stays with their child and offers physical and verbal reassurance without putting the child to sleep. This supports the development of a secure attachment between parent and child.
I will work with you to create an individualized, step-by-step sleep plan that will factor in your parenting philosophy, your child’s age, health and temperament, mother’s well-being and the related family dynamics. And most importantly I will support and coach you through the process from beginning to end – for night sleep and naps! I take my job very seriously and with compassion for you, your child and the whole family. I will problem solve as curve balls arrive and see you through to the end!
If you have any questions about the Gentle Sleep philosophy, please don’t hesitate to ask. I can be quickly reached via the blue tab at the bottom of every page, and throughout the process of working together you will have access to me via text message, phone and video chat. I hope to work with you soon and be a part of changing your reality for the better!
Answer to a few commonly asked questions:
- Breastfeeding is best and it is never necessary to end breastfeeding in order to successfully sleep train your child
- You can continue to room share while sleep coaching
- I work with parents of children ages six months to six years old. For babies under six months I consult with parents on how to set up healthy sleep habits from the start, and if appropriate, how to gently shape the child's sleep.